42. He said, we said

October 22, 2017

me too — @alannabean

Photo and embroidery: my friend Alanna

This week was rough. In multiple areas of my life, I was dealing with men who know how to talk but not listen; whose lack of emotional intelligence and basic empathy is genuinely stunning; who have spent decades being rewarded for being appallingly average (and then turning around and rewarding others like themselves); and who are just shitty. I was also surrounded by so many women who are overwhelmingly, shockingly, infuriatingly better at this whole “being an adult person in society” thing…and yet have to fight to be taken seriously, to be believed, to be respected, to be cared about. Meanwhile, the still-pervasive idea that women are “too emotional” while men can be trusted to remain rational and in control at all times is so demonstrably false, it’s almost laughable…except, you know, the part where it’s our fucking bodies and livelihoods and dignity and time — God, so much fucking time!!!! — at stake. Watching so many smart, competent, kind, thoughtful women be repeatedly disappointed and disrespected by men who are so grossly mediocre and maladjusted, who trade mainly in bullshit and bad faith, and who just don’t fucking get it is not good for the soul. I am tired, and I assume you are too.

Here’s what else I’ve got:


The Pretty Little Bookmarks That Can Actually Withstand The Trauma Of Your Backpack

Just 17 Tweets That’ll Make Women Lolsob


Here’s What My Parents’ 1974 Wedding Would Cost In 2017 Dollars

Um, Disneyland’s Opening Day In 1955 Sounds Like It Was A Dystopian Hell

If You Drink Any Kind Of Liquid At Your Desk, You Should Buy This Tumbler


Yes, This Is a Witch Hunt. I’m a Witch and I’m Hunting You., The New York Times.

Why Would This Time Be Any Different?, Deadspin. “For too long, men have considered sexual and other gendered violence to be the problem of women. It is a problem for all of us to solve. Yet men have gone on, frowning and furrowing their brows. They are doing it now. They give it the old How horrible, I agree it is horrible and go about their days. For women, this often is our day. This is a constant. We live with the unceasing fear of what a man is capable of. We know that it’s not convenient; we know that the urge to prey on women does not discriminate by how a man presents to the world otherwise, and especially the men around him. It’s time for this to get inconvenient for men—for, perhaps, you. It’s time for them—you—to sit with this issue, not just for a day or two, but as part of your life.”

‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Showrunner on Harassment in Hollywood: “It’s Not Just Harvey” (Guest Column), The Hollywood Reporter. “We work within this culture so that we can amass some power so that we can have a voice.”

The Conversation We Should Be Having, The Cut.

20 Things Men Can Do RTFN to Support Women, Beyond Just Literally Ceasing to Sexually Harass Us, Helen Rosner on Medium.

How to Listen to Women When They Share Their Stories of Sexual Assault, MEL Magazine. “From the time we’re little girls, we’re taught to behave, be quiet and not to make a fuss. If I fought every man who touched me while I was waitressing or grabbed me on a bus or at a bar, I’d be dead from exhaustion. We pick our battles — daily — and so when a nasty woman does rise up and make a ruckus, don’t be surprised when it unleashes decades of suppressed rage on behalf of women everywhere.”

Why I Defended, Supported & Enabled Bad Men, Bustle.

Hey Hollywood, Don’t Forget David O. Russell Is An Abusive Jerk, Pajiba. For crying out fucking loud.

Men of the world: You are not the weather, The Washington Post.

Lupita Nyong’o: Speaking Out About Harvey Weinstein, The New York Times. “I was part of a growing community of women who were secretly dealing with harassment by Harvey Weinstein. But I also did not know that there was a world in which anybody would care about my experience with him.”

Men’s “Cluelessness” and the Rape Culture, Shakesville.

Women have always tried to warn each other about dangerous men. We have to., The Washington Post.

What We Know About the Niger Attack That Left 4 U.S. Soldiers Dead, NY Mag. More plainly explained in this Twitter thread.

Inside a Secretive Group Where Women Are Branded, The New York Times.

California Restaurant Admits It’s Been Serving Popeyes Chicken for Months, Vice.

How a Gilded-Age Heiress Became the ‘Mother of Forensic Science’, The Atlantic.

In Texas, Homecoming Mums Are a Team Effort, Racked.

A Catfishing With a Happy Ending, The Atlantic. This story is wild.

Rose Totino, Patron Genius of Frozen Pizza, Mental Floss.

These Tights Are Still Perfect After Nine Years Of Wear, BuzzFeed.


The October 18th episode of The Daily was really, really good.

Related: I loved listening to Michael Barbaro on the Longform podcast.

You can also hear me talking about journaling on Stuff Mom Never Told You/a>.

And this linguist talking about 45 is amazing.

Best life

I spotted this bookHome Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House — in my new friend Alyce’s home — she of the amazing rug I mentioned last week — and then she actually recommended it, so I was instantly like, Yes, sold. After it arrived on Friday, I immediately bought the Kindle version so I could casually read it on the train. (The softcover is a legitimately beautiful book and I’m glad I bought it, but it’s 896 pages.) Anyway, IT IS SO GOOD, YOU GUYS. I highlighted like 75& of the first chapter. The author — a Harvard-educated lawyer — is the perfect amount of bossy/extra, and just, like, deeply wants us all to have clean homes that we feel good in. Also, I’m learning so much from it!!! And it’s legitimately inspiring me to come up with a new cleaning schedule, and to give some things I’ve been neglecting more attention. It’s just great.

I also bought these hipster millennial pads based mostly on their beautiful packaging and I’m not even sorry.

Oh, and Dallas started a new thing where each day, at the end of the day, we share three positive things with each other. It helps a tiny bit!

The week ahead…

Rage-cleaning, probably.

41. So much

October 15, 2017

Photo: Taylor Miller / BuzzFeed

Photo: Taylor Miller / BuzzFeed

God, this week was SO MUCH. I headed down to DC on Wednesday morning for a long weekend. Sometimes it’s just nice to watch the world burn with the friends you’ve known for more than a decade, you know? I attended Julia’s Ladies Article Club for the second time, which was such a treat, along with her third annual Oktoberfest party, where there were some good babies and some great dogs. And when I wasn’t making apple cider sangria/screaming into the void about all the things that shitty men were doing, I was publishing my big Halloween posts! It was all just so much.


17 Clever Halloween Costumes For Anyone With A Prime Account And A Dream

This $17 Dress From Amazon Is The Stuff Group-Costume Dreams Are Made Of

Here’s How To Make A SpOoOoOkY Haunted Playhouse For Kids

17 Photos That’ll Make You Say “It Me”


First, here’s everything I read about Harvey Weinstein and shitty media men this week.


Non-Compete Clause, The Baffler. “You can’t blame men for wanting women to keep on competing with one another exclusively. Late capitalism is still a zero-sum game, and men who suspect their own mediocrity have every reason to fear that they’d be fucked if women and girls ever started competing with them for real.” This whole thing is fantastic.

What if the right-wing media wins?, Columbia Journalism Review. Kind of feels like they already have, TBH.

What I Don’t Tell My Students About “The Husband Stitch”, Electric Lit. (First read “The Husband Stitch,” if you haven’t already. And while we’re on the topic of Carmen Maria Machado — author of one of my favorite essays of 2017Her Body and Other Parties: Stories is next on my list of books to read. She was also recently featured on A Cup of Jo.)

I Have Been Raped by Far Nicer Men Than You, VSB.

The Protection Racket, Jezebel.

Rose Totino, Patron Genius of Frozen Pizza, Mental Floss.

A Week In Los Angeles, CA, On A $1,250,000 Joint Salary, Refinery29. This is only the second time I’ve read one of these Money Diaries and I cannot stop thinking about it.

Americans are pack rats. Swedes have the solution: ‘Death cleaning.’, Washington Post.

Reboot or Die Trying, Outside. This was one of the articles for Ladies Article Club; it’s a bit older, and I really didn’t expect to love it as much as I did!

MTV’s “TRL” Reboot Is a Spectacular Failure, Pitchfork.

We All Have a Retail Flinch Point, Racked. This is so real!

A Cake You Can Take With You Anywhere, The New York Times.

“A weird part of toxic masculinity is not knowing how to poop properly.” I gasped so loudly and so many times when I was reading these, I had to read them out loud to Julia.

Best life

This weekend, I learned that Target apparently sells great dupes of Anthropologie’s signature candles. This great-smelling Cedar & Juniper one is what started the conversation, and even though Target.com says it basically no longer exists at any store anywhere, I have gotten some intel that they do, in fact, still exist in stores. Also, according to the internet/Julia, the Island Moonlight candle is a spot-on dupe for the main one Anthro burns in their stores.

Also! Elise, who hosted Ladies Article Club, had THE most beautiful rug in her living room. (The photo online doesn’t do it justice; it looked more like this IRL, though the rows were quite slim/tidy.) It’s expensive — because all fucking rugs are fucking expensive — but dang. It was so pretty and felt like walking on a cloud. *wishlists*

The week ahead…

“all i want to do with my time on earth is make some nice things and suport some briliant people and combat institutionalized systematic evil.” Same, Jomny. Same.

A post-Harvey Weinstein reading list

October 15, 2017


Quote: @heylauriestark

Once again, men have gone and done some more fucked-up shit that requires its own separate post.

Here’s the thing I want to say about Harvey Weinstein: I don’t believe Meryl Streep or anyone else in Hollywood who says they didn’t know about this. *I* knew about this, and I deeply DGAF about anything related to the entertainment industry. (I watch, like, two movies a year.) Hollywood is a small-ass town. They fucking knew.

Anyway. Here are the links:

From Aggressive Overtures to Sexual Assault: Harvey Weinstein’s Accusers Tell Their Stories, The New Yorker.

I highly, highly recommend you listen to the Oct. 11 episode of The Daily to hear Katherine Kendall tell her story in her own words. 

Why the Harvey Weinstein Sexual-Harassment Allegations Didn’t Come Out Until Now, The Cut. “After Weinstein failed to respond to my calls for comment, I was sent, on Election Eve 2000, to cover a book party he was hosting, along with my colleague Andrew Goldman. Weinstein didn’t like my question about O, there was an altercation; though the recording has alas been lost to time, I recall that he called me a cunt and declared that he was glad he was the ‘fucking sheriff of this fucking lawless piece-of-shit town.’ When my colleague Andrew (who was also then my boyfriend) intervened, first calming him down and then trying to extract an apology, Weinstein went nuclear, pushing Andrew down a set of steps inside the Tribeca Grand — knocking him over with such force that his tape recorder hit a woman, who suffered long-term injury — and dragging Andrew, in a headlock, onto Sixth Avenue.”

Tell Us What You Know About Harvey Weinstein’s “Open Secret”, Defamer. There’s a LOT happening in this old post, including this chilling bit: “The Harvey Girls are easily spotted. They are all very pretty, often in a rather generic sense. Their instant fame and the push behind them comes seemingly out of nowhere and without any justification in terms of resume or skill set. Most obviously, at least as of 2007, they are clothed exclusively in Marchesa on the red carpet (the fashion line of Weinstein’s wife, Georgina Chapman).”

Here’s Why So Many Women Knew The Rumors About Harvey Weinstein, BuzzFeed. “There are enough men like Weinstein and Ailes, young and old, liberal and conservative, ones who make us feel like objects, or dirty and out of control in our workplace or classrooms, ones who can and will ruin our lives — that we’ve become dependent on unofficial modes of communication to protect ourselves. It’s no wonder, then, that so many men deride and degrade gossip: It’s our most effective armor against their abuses.”

How Harvey Weinstein’s Hollywood Connections Helped Make His Wife’s Fashion Label a Success, Jezebel.

I’m a Coward, The Cut.

Stop Mentioning Your Daughters When You Denounce Harvey Weinstein, Vulture.

As A Father Of Daughters, I Think We Should Treat All Women Like My Daughters, The Toast.

Ben Affleck Has Apologized For Groping Hilarie Burton On TRL, BuzzFeed. Also don’t miss him molesting another woman on camera here.

Sarah Polley: The Men You Meet Making Movies, The New York Times.

Study finds 75 percent of workplace harassment victims experienced retaliation when they spoke up, Vox.

Here’s a look how the AP chose to cover this story. Which actually brings us to…

The Protection Racket, Jezebel.

You Can’t Get Away With This Shit Anymore, The Hairpin.

“Is he on The Island?” On the (lack of) professional consequences for sexual harassers, Ann Friedman.

And here are some good tweets:

On people shaming Terry Crews.

“When it’s someone else’s fault vs when it’s your fault.”

“If you think being in the same room with a woman makes it hard to avoid raping or harassing her, perhaps you should stay home. Forever.”

“When your subhead thinks you’re full of shit.”

“If you wanted Hillary Clinton to comment sooner on the Harvey Weinstein allegations, you should have elected her president.” (See also: this.)

And a moment of appreciation for Anita Hill.

I’ll be back later with our regularly scheduled programming.

40. Doing the most

October 8, 2017

Photo: @etre_cecile

God, this was a week. Who wasn’t doing the most out here? It was a lot.

Here’s what I had going on…


The $25 Purchase That’s Saving My Knees


Death at a Penn State Fraternity, The Atlantic. The last section of this is one of the most haunting things I have ever read and I don’t say that casually.

Las Vegas Shooting: Chaos at a Concert and a Frantic Search at Mandalay Bay, New York Times.

Two strangers bond over country music and beer. Then the gunshots started., The Washington Post.

‘Lone wolf’ or ‘terrorist’? How bias can shape news coverage, Poynter.

How the Elderly Lose Their Rights, The New Yorker. This is HORRIFYING.

She met John on a dating site and fell in love. But her family saw something dangerously wrong, LA Times. This five-part series on “Dirty John” is so fucking good and compelling!

Why the Harvey Weinstein Sexual-Harassment Allegations Didn’t Come Out Until Now, The Cut. “Weinstein didn’t like my question about O, there was an altercation; though the recording has alas been lost to time, I recall that he called me a cunt and declared that he was glad he was the ‘fucking sheriff of this fucking lawless piece-of-shit town.’ When my colleague Andrew (who was also then my boyfriend) intervened, first calming him down and then trying to extract an apology, Weinstein went nuclear, pushing Andrew down a set of steps inside the Tribeca Grand — knocking him over with such force that his tape recorder hit a woman, who suffered long-term injury — and dragging Andrew, in a headlock, onto Sixth Avenue.”

The FBI’s New U.S. Terrorist Threat: ‘Black Identity Extremists’, Foreign Policy.

How We Found Tom Price’s Private Jets, Politico.

My Makeup Routine Is My Morning Meditation, BuzzFeed. “Makeup tutorials are the modern-day version of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting, showing someone making art that I’m supposed to be inspired to replicate, but never will. Much like Bob’s wiry paintbrush scratching over canvas, a blogger blending their eyeshadow soothes me while I wait to see the end result.”

The Legion Lonely, Hazlitt. “For the outsider looking in, then, and even for the man himself, it may appear that nothing’s amiss. But to paraphrase University of Missouri researchers Barbara Bank and Suzanne Hansford, men have power, but are not well.” God, men are tragic.

Teaching Under Threat, Catapult.

Why I’ve Never Learned How to Cook, Bon Appétit.

As Goes the Middle Class, So Goes TGI Fridays, Eater.

Louis Tramunti’s Wife Thought He Was Having a Heart Attack. So Why Did the Police Break His Back?, The Daily Beast. “I’m trying to tell white people: They’re coming for you, too, bro.”

How Essential Oils Became the Cure for Our Age of Anxiety, The New Yorker.

Secrets of the South, Lenny Letter.

There’s a Scientific Explanation for Why Fires Are So Romantic, The Cut.

I Became A Mother In That Chair, Apartment Therapy.

AIM Was Perfect, and Now It Will Die, The Atlantic. “AIM showed us how to live online, for good and for ill. We all live our whole lives in text chains and group threads now. We plan every hangout, we send every news article, we proclaim every relationship in the river of text it taught us to sail. Honestly, that river has been a little scary lately. Instant messaging, once a special thrill, now sets the texture of our common life. But AIM taught us how to live online first.” This made me a little weepy, not gonna lie.

Fuck Sports Bottles, Deadspin. “Do these kids EVER remember to bring their water bottles with them? No. Of course not. No, they run to the car and then I go to close the door and what about the water bottles? Well, what about them? Who gives a shit? But no, I gotta open the door again and grab them out of the fridge and play waterboy to these people. You may as well give me one of those slotted Gatorade bottle holders they keep on an NFL sideline for me, because I am the water bitch. I gotta monitor the bottles. I gotta wash them. I gotta root past them in the fridge to reach the ham. I gotta fill them up or yell at the kids to do it. I gotta lug them everywhere. Ever lift water? Water is heavy. This is horseshit.”

Ohhhhhhh My God, This Wedding Photo, BuzzFeed.

Things More Heavily Regulated Than Buying a Gun in the United States, McSweeney’s.

Why Do So Many White People Want to Bone the American Flag?, VSB. Well?????

Listening to

This episode of The Lit Review, which features an interview Bill Ayers — listen to it, i’ll legit inspire you. And Dua Lipa and Kesha on repeat.

Best life

I love this sweater so much I bought three of them (which is a lot, even for me). Maybe soon it will be cool enough to actually wear it. Also noticed my leopard loafers were reaching the end of their life so I ordered a new pair because they are currently 50% off.

The week ahead…

Making cookies!

39. Making it

October 1, 2017

Photo: Violet Tinder

It’s decorative gourd season, motherfuckers! On Friday, I wrapped a three-day holiday project shoot; despite how physically taxing it was, it was pretty fun, and I really, really love the final product. Then I worked through the weekend, preparing for my big costume shoot on Wednesday. Aside from the fact that my whole body hurts and I’m a bit behind schedule, I feel so alive! I’m also happy to report that my new kneepads were one of the best purchases I’ve made recently! (See them on me — covered in paint — here.) Highly, highly recommend to anyone who finds him or herself crawling around on the floor/ground from time to time.

Here’s what else I was up to this week…


Remember The Guy Who “Ghosted” His GF And Then She Became His Boss? Well, There’s An Update


From Louis Armstrong to the N.F.L.: Ungrateful as the New Uppity, The New Yorker. “The wonder is not the unhinged behavior of this weekend but rather that it took Trump so long to exploit a target as rich in potential racial resentment as wealthy black athletes who have the temerity to believe in the First Amendment.”

Women Aren’t Nags—We’re Just Fed Up, Harper’s Bazaar. This is really, really good. 

Black Athletes Are Black People, And Black People Are Dying, BuzzFeed. “In some ways, sports are special in that they create a space, for a finite amount of time, where the variables can be controlled. They are fantasy. And it’s disruptive, to some people, for some groups, that even in fantasy there is oppression. They’d rather not see it. So it doesn’t exist. And when they fight it, and it still shows up, that creates a problem, because the truth is laid bare: that even in the realm of the fantastic, with millions of dollars spent and earned every minute of every game, black life in this country isn’t valued.”

I’m Out of Empathy. I’m Out of Pity. I’m Out of Patience., Esquire. “Any report about Roy Moore that doesn’t specifically refer to him as a right-wing extremist is not worth your time. No more ‘firebrand.’ No more impotent yap about his ‘controversial views.’ Roy Moore is an extremist or the word no longer has meaning.”

America Never Deserved Puerto Rico, GQ.

The NFL has officially whitewashed Colin Kaepernick’s protest, Vox. “Unity is recognizing that black players on your team have had their lives altered by systemic racism. Unity is understanding that police brutality has been an ongoing fight for black Americans since emancipation. The owners’ statements should have addressed those historical realities.”

Megyn Kelly Today Needs to Be Torn Down and Rebuilt, Vulture.

The Insidious Racism of Drugstore Beauty, Racked.

Why Cardi B’s No. 1 Matters, Pitchfork.

35 Truly Inspirational Ways You Described Your Gender Presentation On the Autostraddle Reader Survey, Autostraddle.

Michael Phelps: A Golden Shoulder to Lean On, The New York Times.

My Waking Nightmare Aboard a Startup Company’s Sleeper Bus, MEL. Honestly, I’m into this.

The Difference Between Amateurs and Professionals, Farnam Street.

It’s Time To Spend A Few Weeks Telling Yourself You Like Fall, Deadspin. “‘I like fall,’ you say, shivering ever so slightly; you have not unpacked your sweaters yet, but now you will, prompted by the low background soreness of a body that had forgotten, over those brief, bright months of joy and abundance, the need to vibrate itself at all times in order to ward off death. ‘It’s good. I am not actually mourning for warmth and light and happiness at all. I look forward to the grim retreat of all life. Gladly I trade late afternoon sunshine for the smell of mulling spices.’ That’s the spirit. Why, you can almost bring yourself to say that you missed autumn, without sobbing partway through this hilarious lie.” I disagree with this take, but this is still really good.

17 Tweets About Public Bathrooms That’ll Make You Want To Rip That Automatic Hand Dryer Off The Wall, BuzzFeed.

Everything You Know About Me, the Female Character You’re Falling in Love With in a Romantic Film/TV Show Written by a Man, McSweeney’s.

Re: Sweat Nothing’s 2018 Deodorant Scents (for Men and Women), The New Yorker. “Once again, Men’s is working with the theme ‘anxiety and/or shame about using toiletries.’ Think Corporate will be pleased with our new scents: Five Billion Erupting Volcanoes Watching N.F.L. in an Ocean of Death; I Own a Truck; Four Toolboxes Fucking; Successful C.E.O.s Doing CrossFit Around an Enormous Fire Pit for Some Reason. As I mentioned in the kitchenette yesterday while grilling my leftover bison kebabs, these products all incorporate our brand-new DangerSwipe™ technology.”

21 Tweets For Women That Are So Real It Hurts A Little, BuzzFeed. These are all SO FUNNY.

Close Your Tabs, Deadspin. BUT SERIOUSLY.

Listening to

Shannon Sharpe taking Skip (and all of us) to church, this Nancy episode about the Will & Grace reboot, and this absolutely chilling episode of The Daily.


These jade pumpkins, this video, this pink bathtub, this bird, and Panera’s hazelnut coffee. (I got it three mornings this week, don’t @ me.)

The week ahead…

Making Halloween magic!

38. Take the knee

September 24, 2017

Art by Jenny Chang

Hi again! Here’s what I’ve been up to this week…


Here’s What Sorority Recruitment Is Actually Like

How Many Of The References In “We Didn’t Start The Fire” Can You Remember?


I Didn’t Know What to Wear to My Brother’s Funeral, Racked. “Through my brother’s services, my best friends flanked me like beautiful bodyguards. We kept cracking off-color jokes about Pretty Little Liars and sneaking to the basement to kick off our shoes and take shots of Fireball while I practiced my eulogy on them. I felt like the photo negative of a bride, and they were my bridesmaids. Tits and long legs and tattoos flashed through layers of black fabric, our youth at odds with our grief.” This is one of the best essays I’ve read this year.

HGTV Is a Never-ending Fantasy Loop. Look Deeper, and It Gets Pretty Ugly., Vulture. “We are supposed to be in rehab from our housing binge of ten years ago, the one that nearly bankrupted the country. We are supposed to be in a state of contrition. But our national love of HGTV suggests that the dream won’t die. The longing it addresses is impervious to market corrections, or personal financial realities, and as economists continue to explore the true causes of the 2008 financial crisis, they are beginning to suspect that some speculative Americans acting on that longing got us into that mess as much as — or more than — unscrupulous bankers or Wall Street.”

She told people she advised Ivanka Trump. Talked about her marriages to world leaders. Promised riches. Why would anyone believe her?, The Washington Post.

DeVos Should Want to Educate Men About Rape, The New York Times.

The War on Porn Is Back, Jezebel.

Women Are Spending Years In Prison Because Wyoming Won’t Let Them Into Its All-Male Boot Camp, BuzzFeed.

Size doesn’t matter, Winnipeg Free Press. “While Good Fat Care is a health-focused website, its creators stress that the treatment of a person in a larger body should not be contingent on whether or not that person is striving for health in some way. Everyone deserves respect and care, regardless of size or behaviour.”

When Men Workshop Their Dick Pics, The Cut.

Straight Black Men Are the White People of Black People, VSB.

What You’ve Learned, The Awl. “People will struggle to keep their public facade intact regardless of their personal turmoil and trouble. If they confide in you it’s for a good reason and you need to pay attention. Simple acknowledgement will do wonders. Compassion sometimes is letting people live their lives and being witness to their struggle, not trying to fix to ease your own distress.”

The Story Behind the Greatest Internet Recipe Comment of All Time, The Cut. This. Is. So. Good.

And I’m still going between Word by Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries and Grunt, both of which are great!

Best life

Allergy season (and cold and flu season!) is coming, so I’m trying to be proactive…I got myself a new neti pot and am planning to use it regularly (aka before things go to shit). DIY season is also coming, and last week, I had a light bulb moment and ordered myself some hardcore knee pads. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner.

Also, you can donate to help those affected by Hurricane Maria here.


This 97-year-old veteran, this tweet, and this cartoon.

The week ahead…

I have a big two-day shoot this week — let’s hope those knee pads do the trick!

37. Peachy

September 17, 2017


I don’t think most people who read this blog regularly know this, but I currently have five direct reports at work. (A year ago at this time, I only had one!) My reports are truly a delight — they are all incredibly bright and so, so sweet, and I love managing them.

So, the way it currently works is there are two big ops groups on New York (non-News) edit, and my work wife Julie and I run one of them. Our group, Peach Ops, skews toward lifestyle content, and is made up of my reports, most of hers, and one other manager’s reports. (You know how when you were a kid, your mom and your aunts would, like, link up to oversee you and your siblings and all your cousins during family trips/holidays? That’s basically what it’s like.) This week, several of the Peaches who work in other offices were in town and we had a few events planned, so we officially declared it Peach Week and added some more special stuff to the calendar, including a hack day, a bunch of brainstorms, and a session on Friday afternoon where we reserved a conference room and brought our laptops to work…and also watch It’s Complicated and eat pizza. It was great! It’s just such an exceptionally lovely group with a lot of really great newish hires who we just adore (and who adore each other), and they are truly a joy to work with. In between all of the Peach Week events, I also shot a video with a different team. I also stopped by the Another Round FB Live self-care happy hour! So it was just a sort of unusual week from start to finish — pretty tiring, but very fun!

Here’s what else I was up to…


Being Organized Is A Gift I Give Myself And Other People


I recently put Word by Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries on hold with the library and my turn came this week, so now I’m going between that (it’s great, BTW) and Grunt.

The Week My Husband Left And My House Was Burgled I Secured A Grant To Begin The Project That Became BRCA1, Huffington Post. This is amazing and you have to read it.

Colin Kaepernick Has a Job, Bleacher Report. “Here in Turlock, he absorbed every survival skill necessary to live phenomenally among white people, so expertly that they begin to make assumptions—not that you think you’re white, but that you’ve stopped concerning yourself with That Race Stuff, that you are finally content. It is a commonly unfair expectation thrown upon many an agreeable non-white person in a white space in America.”

Amber Tamblyn Pens Open Letter to James Woods, Teen Vogue. “Since you’ve now called me a liar, I will now call you a silencer. I see your gaslight and now will raise you a scorched earth.”

Hillary Clinton Isn’t Going Anywhere and I’m Here For It All, ELLE. “You don’t think Hillary Clinton should have written a book? Good for you. Go buy Pillars of the Earth and read that. Get a Kindle download of The Pelican Brief. This isn’t summer reading for sophomore year; there will not be a test on this material. If Anthony Scaramucci can get fired after 10 days on the job and end up being interviewed on Stephen Colbert within a month, I think the country as a whole can handle 300-or-so pages of a book you, honestly, are not legally required to purchase or read or even acknowledge.”

Bodega Isn’t Just Bad Branding, It’s Bad Business, Eater.

Related: What Is Wrong With People?, Jezebel. “Have you ever been in an actual bodega? Have you noticed that ‘mom-and-pop’ store is often a literal description of these places and not just a line on your pitch deck to a bunch of ‘angel investors’ who drive Teslas and haven’t called their actual moms or pops in months? If you achieve your goal of wiping out those mom-and-pop shops by which you are apparently so bothered, will you finally experience joy?”

Deep Six: Jemele Hill and the Fight for the Future of ESPN, The Ringer.

Dear Maria Sharapova, You Should Release a Song Called Mad and Mediocre, Awesomely Luvvie. “Clearly, you’ve been guzzling from Lake Bittertonka since 2004, which was the last time you were able to win in a match against SERENA THE GOAT (Greatest of All Time). 13 whole years ago was the last time you beat the greatest athlete to ever play tennis, and you’re so butthurt about it that you must have an abscess. She has wiped the floor with you 18 times in a row, even though you were illegally doping to give yourself an advantage. YOU COULDN’T EVEN DRUG YOUR WAY TO VICTORY. That’s so unfortunate. It’s nobody’s fault you ain’t got the range. Nobody but you.”

What Are We to Do With Cinematic Monuments to the Confederacy?, Vulture. “What makes Gone With the Wind’s racism so important and difficult to taxonomize is the deftness of its characterization. The white characters in the film, including minor bit players, feel real, complex, and human in ways many period epics fail to conceptualize. There are heroes it can be hard not to root for. For all her cruelty and selfishness, Scarlett’s prickly nature make her a fascinating anti-heroine. Yet everyone — including Melanie, one of the most selfless and naïvely angelic women ever portrayed in film — are still complicit in, and directly benefit from, the enslavement of black people.”

William Howard Taft Is Still Stuck in the Tub, The New York Times.

Who Is Killing American Women? Their Husbands And Boyfriends, CDC Confirms., Huffington Post. “It’s not strangers, friends or acquaintances who pose the biggest threat to women’s lives. It’s the men they date and marry.”

How L.A.’s Halo Top became America’s bestselling ice cream pint, The LA Times.

Torrid’s NYFW Show Reaffirmed Fashion’s Disdain for Fat People, Racked.

“I’ve Always Been Political”: Celeste Ng and Nicole Chung in Conversation, Literary Hub.

I keep finding my coworker in a compromising position … with himself, Ask a Manager. For fuck’s sake.

Do Artists and Designers Have an Obligation To Be Political?, Design*Sponge. “The creative process should consider if the work (output) challenges the status quo or reinforces it.”

My Beauty Uniform: Clare Lyons, A Cup of Jo. One of my faves in this series (and I co-sign so much of her skincare)! Also this comment.

The Sorrow and the Shame of the Accidental Killer, The New Yorker.

Thug Charged With Shooting and Critically Injuring Homeless Man After He Asked Her to Move Her Porsche, VSB.

Why Your Favorite TV Character’s Dress Looks So Different on You, Racked.

Ladies Be Tuckin’, The Hairpin. “I know there’s a lot going on in the world and print media has been caving in on itself for at least ten years, but can we talk about the foot-tucking trope in profiles of celebrity/famous/fancy women of interest?”

Chipotle Queso: Liquid Gold or Cheesy Trash?, GQ. Made me lol.

On Smelly Dicks, MEL. I’m so, so sorry.


This video, this comic, this AMAZING story, this white guy who knows how to be an ally, and the “Essay B” episode of This American Life.

The week ahead…

Starting to map out Halloween projects!!!

36. Back on my bullshit

September 10, 2017

Credit: Erin Boyle / Reading My Tea Leaves

Photo: Reading My Tea Leaves

Hi! Here’s a bunch of stuff from my week…


5 Great Notebooks For People Who Effing Love Notebooks


Why You Need to Start Bullet Journaling, The Everygirl.

Habit shift: dot journaling., Reading My Tea Leaves.

PS If you read the book and liked it, please consider leaving an Amazon review!


The First White President, The Atlantic. If you read one thing this week, it should be this.

The Resegregation of Jefferson County, The New York Times Magazine. Another must-read.

Letter of the week: What is wrong with you, white supremacists?, The Salt Lake Tribune. Letter of the goddamn YEAR.

A tale of two Irmas: rich Miami ready for tumult as poor Miami waits and hopes, The Guardian.

A Requiem for Florida, the Paradise That Should Never Have Been, Politico.

What the Rich Won’t Tell You, The New York Times. This is pretty enraging. (That said, before you judge these people too hard for thinking they are middle-class, use this calculator to find out if you, too, have a misunderstanding of where you fall, income-wise.)

The Trials of a Muslim Cop, The New Yorker.

This “cool black girl” is gone, Salon. “I stop trying so hard to avoid offending people with suggestions they have offended me. I stop using racial self-deprecation to indulge “ironic” senses of humor. I stop laughing when it’s not funny or nodding when it doesn’t make sense. I stop playing the defendant when they want to play the devil’s advocate — allowing them to intellectually experiment on me with their worst arguments, leaving themselves unscathed and richer for the exercise and me, diminished. I stop making them feel better for making me feel worse.”

How Astrology Took Over The Internet, BuzzFeed.

Michigan’s Chaldean Christians escaped persecution in Iraq and helped Donald Trump win the presidency. Now, they’re at risk of deportation., Slate. Oh.

@gothamgirlblue on the preposterous responses to Hillary Clinton’s book.

The Disturbing Conversations Women Are Having on Fertility Apps, ELLE. This is really heartbreaking. (CW: sexual assault, abuse.)

A Brief Cultural History of Hairy Legs, Racked. 

The Silicon Valley execs who don’t eat for days: ‘It’s not dieting, it’s biohacking’, The Guardian. “Eight months in and Libin finds fasting easy and frequently attends ‘nice dinners’ with friends where he will only drink water. ‘People think it’s torture but it’s actually really pleasant. I get the social interaction, I can see the food and smell it. All of those things are pleasant,’ he said. ‘I usually leave a dinner where I eat nothing feeling kind of full.'” Bruh. You…have an eating disorder.

Exiles on Pennsylvania Avenue: How Jared and Ivanka Were Repelled by Washington’s Elite, Vanity Fair.

The Ivanka Trump Guarantee, Lindy West in The New York Times. “Ivanka Trump is never going to come through. Coming through isn’t her function. She is more a logo than a person, a scarecrow stuffed with branding, an heiress-turned-model-turned-multimillionaire’s-wife playacting as an authority on the challenges facing working women so that she can sell more pastel sheath dresses.”

This Is What It’s Like To Find Out You’re The Son Of A Child Killer, BuzzFeed. (CW: rape, child/spousal abuse, and serious violence/murder.)

What Brands Are Actually Behind Trader Joe’s Snacks?, Eater.

Christina Tosi Has a Cookie, Eater. I kept seeing my friends share this and finally read it myself and it did not disappoint.

What 11 People Are Wearing on the First Day of School, Racked.

Ijeoma Oluo on that gross “romantic” piano motherfucker.

My coworker/friend Bim on Maria Sharapova’s racist bullshit.

Do You Want to Be Known For Your Writing, or For Your Swift Email Responses?, Catapult. “If I bailed on any friend as often as I bailed on my own work, I probably would no longer have that friend.”

5 Highly Effective Ways to Inspire Your Team, Inc.

‘Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About My High School Crush?’, The Cut. Wow, drag me, NY Mag.

Excerpts from the All-Girl Remake of “Lord of the Flies”, The New Yorker. “‘Hey!’ Jackie said. ‘If I took this desiccated pig head down from this spike, would anybody split it with me?'”

I also went down a southern sorority/fraternity rabbit hole doing research for an article I’m working on; you can see a bunch of links/videos/Insta pics here. The stuff about The Machine was particularly fascinating/upsetting. And I picked up Grunt, Mary Roach’s newest book, from the library this weekend!

Best life

A year after I tried them on, I finally bought the Warby Parker Finch glasses in Bellini. (My main glasses are also the Finch, just in solid dark brown.) In other Millennial pink news, Le Creuset has launched a matte pink collection and I am overwhelmed and want it all. Oh, and I got Glossier Haloscope — after like a million people on the Internet recommended it — and it totally lives up to the hype. (PS You’ll get 10% off your order if you use this link.) I also went to the new-to-Bed-Stuy cafe Brown Butter, which is SO dang charming/yummy and has pink lattes.


The most recent episode of Code Switch (An Advertising Revolution: “Black People Are Not Dark-Skinned White People”), these awesome parents, uhhh Pop Rocks for blow jobs (also, I read that label as “Butt Blast” every damn time), and this.

The week ahead…

I know a lot of people love summer, but I am really not a huge fan and am honestly thrilled to have Labor Day and this four-day week over, and to have everyone back from their vacations. It feels like a fresh new school year is starting!

35. Water, water, everywhere

September 3, 2017


Image: Sevelle the Artist

Hello again! Here’s what I was up to this week…


How Pumpkin Spice Took Over The World


The Incarcerated Women Who Fight California’s Wildfires, The New York Times Magazine. “C.D.C.R. says that the firefighter program is intended to serve as rehabilitation for the inmates. Yet they’re being trained to work in a field they will probably have trouble finding a job in when they get out: Los Angeles County Fire won’t hire felons and C.D.C.R. doesn’t offer any formal help to inmates who want firefighting jobs when they’re released.”

Anger That Can Save the World: On Justice, Feminism, and the Furies, Catapult. “For anyone who might not be blameless, anger with reason and purpose and a will of iron is even more frightening than tumultuous, flailing rage.” Read this, and then read it again for good measure.

First-person Harvey account: In a Dickinson subdivision, a normal weekend turned upside down, Houston Chronicle.

What Makes a Parent?, The New Yorker.

Where Are the Likes? Coming to Terms with Being a Writer on Social Media, LitHub. “Get off your phone. Get back to your desk.”

How Kids’ Sports Became a $15 Billion Industry, Time.

I Was a Strict Evangelical, Until My Faith Unraveled, Racked. “I remember how it feels to be wired for judgment. Judging others constantly reinforces the lines around you that you think are keeping you safe. I didn’t think my beliefs made me rigid. I thought they made me right. When you think having a very particular belief system is your salvation, you aren’t likely to find it constricting. You’re likely to find it life-giving.”

The 5 Types of ‘Becky’, The Root. “This is the standard, off-the shelf Becky with no adornments, around whom the entire world revolves. When ‘alt-righters’ recite the 14 words, ‘Because the beauty of the white Aryan woman must not perish from the earth,’ this is about whom they are talking. This is for whom they made Forever 21. This is for whom they make Pantene hair conditioner. This is for whom they made America. It is easy to recognize a Rebecca. She can’t understand how anyone could be cruel to a puppy, but turns the channel when they talk about Trayvon Martin.”

Melania Trump and the Chilling Artifice of Fashion, The Cut. “And this is how something as apparently trivial as women’s style reveals a profound truth at the heart of this administration and its relationship to America’s citizens: It is as dissociative as a fashion advertisement, brought to power by manipulating and rechanneling the electorate’s desires for wealth and possessions. This truth seeps out of every photographed occasion, including and especially those featuring the Trump women.”

The Tater Tot Is American Ingenuity at Its Finest, Eater.

This Group Of Women Is Helping To Fix The Hair And Spirits Of Houston Evacuees, BuzzFeed.

The History of the Trapper Keeper, Mental Floss.

Letter of Recommendation: High-Visibility Golf Balls, The New York Times Magazine.

@cathythemango explains cultural appropriation.

Football Favoritism at F.S.U.: The Price One Teacher Paid, The New York Times.

State of the Blog Union 2017: How The Online World Has Changed, Design*Sponge.

How to De-Feralize Your Children for Back-to-School, McSweeney’s.

In Memoriam: All the Untouched Food on ‘The Bachelorette’, Bon Appetit.

We Might As Well Talk About Taylor Swift’s New Single, Go Fug Yourself. “I mean, Old Taylor can’t come to the phone ‘because she’s dead’? Really? Also, that’s a lie, too, because this sure FEELS like Old Taylor to me — the one who cannot handle adversity without complaining that it’s someone else’s fault. Girl, be real. You tangled with the pros and lost. You got busted. Write that story.”

Taylor Swift and the Scorpio Midheaven: What Are You Hiding?, Astrology Arena. “Essentially, the point I’m trying to make here is that success is not the best form of revenge for Midheaven in Scorpio people. Anytime Scorpio is focused on revenge, it is a boomerang that comes right back around. It’s only going to manifest more negativity for that person.”

18 Tweets For When Your Life Is A Mess And You’re Barely Holding It Together, BuzzFeed.

Best life

After seeing an ad on Instagram, I bought one of these satin-lined caps, and I like it a lot. (I have the cream one. My coworker told me they run small, so I bought the large because I have a relatively big head/long hair; it’s a teeeeeny bit big, and I’d go with the medium in hindsight.) Anyway, they are currently running a BOGO sale for Labor Day, so it’s worth it to shop now — I’m totally annoyed I missed the deal! Speaking of silky sleep things, I bought this silk pillowcase earlier this month, and it’s very good.

In other news, I’m really interested in trying Beauty Pie after reading this article, but I don’t think I buy enough makeup for it to really be worth it.


This tiny version of my winter coat, this King James story, and 100 awesome drawings that will definitely make you smile.

The week ahead…

Septeber first, y’all know wtf is up.”

34. Look what you made me do

August 27, 2017

rifle paper co

Image: Rifle Paper Co

This week, I met up with my friend Alanna for drinks and we exchanged copies of our books — a truly special and lovely thing to be able to do! It’s almost enough to make me forget about Taylor Swift’s truly terrible new single.

Here’s what else I had going on…


Hoooooly Shit, This Story

17 Facts About Octopuses That’ll Straight Fuck You Up

7 Cool Facts About Bras That’ll Make You Say “HUH”


Parents Who Pay to Be Watched, The Cut. This story is fascinating and the article is really well done.

Things you should know about Joe Arpaio, @phoenixnewtimes on Twitter. 

But wait! There’s more! Another thread with more horrors from Nicole Silverberg.


Chanel Sure Picked a Bad Time to Center a Marketing Campaign Around Coco, Racked.

The total solar eclipse made everything feel big again, Vox. “Venus appeared bright in the sky next to the sun, and I lay down before a black, black disc that was surrounded by the most angelic white light I’ve ever seen.”

How the Wives of Prisoners Use Instagram to Cope, Vice.

The Whitney Plantation Is The Only Confederate Monument We Should Keep, BuzzFeed. A tough read, but worth it. 

I’m Proud of My Husband for Kneeling During the Anthem, but Don’t Make Him a White Savior, VSB.

Take a Look: An Oral History of Reading Rainbow, Mental Floss. This made me a little weepy.

You Won’t Be Able To Recognize These Modern Animals Drawn Like Dinosaurs, BuzzFeed.

Sally Hemings, Thomas Jefferson and the Ways We Talk About Our Past, The New York Times.

What is it like to be white?, Kottke. “It is now common — and I use the word ‘common’ in its every sense — to see interviews with up-and-coming young movie stars whose parents or even grandparents were themselves movie stars. And when the interviewer asks, ‘Did you find it an advantage to be the child of a major motion-picture star?’ the answer is invariably ‘Well, it gets you in the door, but after that you’ve got to perform, you’re on your own.’ This is ludicrous. Getting in the door is pretty much the entire game, especially in movie acting, which is, after all, hardly a profession notable for its rigor. That’s how advantageous it is to be white. It’s as though all white people were the children of movie stars. Everyone gets in the door and then all you have to do is perform at this relatively minimal level.”

What Life Is Like After a Life Sentence, Mother Jones.

Did This Book Buy Its Way Onto The New York Times Bestseller List?, Pajiba. This is wild.

This Buttercream Kills Fascists, Eater. “If there aren’t already, in short order there will be people who live nowhere near Texas or California or Massachusetts who are furious, just furious, at bakeries in Houston and Oakland and Boston for ‘being political,’ for not ‘sticking to food,’ for ‘alienating their customers.’ This is itself infuriating. Food is politics. It’s always difficult for me to say that without adding ‘of course’ to the end of it: Food is politics, of course. Of course there are political forces pushing and pulling at it, the engine behind everything from the price of grain to the availability of labor to the potability of water to patio zoning to how much sawdust you can add before your processed dairy product is no longer allowed to be called cheese. How can you not understand that?”

Members of ‘UES Mommas’ Facebook Group Threaten Legal Action After Being Called Racist, Jezebel.

I Tried Six Pairs Of Plus-Size Workout Leggings To Find The Best Ones, BuzzFeed. 

Pick Up Lines That Would Actually Work on Me, The Hairpin. I’m #5.

Listening to/watching

Black Girls Rock Acceptance Speech: Auntie Maxine Waters Did Not Come to Play! “If You Come For Me, I’m Coming For You”

Kunta in the House, Another Round. 

A Conversation With a Former White Nationalist, The Daily.

My Little Hundred Million, Revisionist History.

And still working on Ken Burns’ The Roosevelts on Netflix! 

Best life

Got a fancy manicure on Friday. I’ve been working on this puzzle. And these blemish patches are goddamn witchcraft.

The week ahead…

Let’s all send good vibes and maybe also money to the people of Houston.

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