Entries Tagged as 'Life'

02. Very stable

January 14, 2018

Hi! Here’s what I was up to this week.

Reading

Moira Donegan Says She Is The Woman Who Created The “Shitty Media Men” List, The Cut. “In some of these conversations, we spent hours teasing out how these men, many of whom we knew to be intelligent and capable of real kindness, could behave so crudely and cruelly toward us. And this is another toll that sexual harassment can take on women: It can make you spend hours dissecting the psychology of the kind of men who do not think about your interiority much at all.”

The Lefty Critique of #TimesUp Is Tired and Self-Defeating, The Nation. “On Sunday night, Alicia Garza asked on her Facebook timeline what we think is required to build a movement in the millions. In my humble 33-year view of social change, I believe that it takes everything. Everything we’ve got. Every member, every leader, every ally, every platform, every tactic and every dime—all directed toward specific goals at specific moments. The moments when your big ideas have the potential to become reality don’t come around that often. When they do, we have to move. We can’t predict what will come out of each tactic, but we move fast and big and on faith.”

Can Hollywood Change Its Ways?, The New Yorker.

I Made the Pizza Cinnamon Rolls from Mario Batali’s Sexual Misconduct Apology Letter, The Everywhereist. “Batali does not specify how tightly to roll the dough. I do so too tightly because fuck everything.”

Tonya Harding Would Like Her Apology Now, The New York Times.

Serena Williams on Motherhood, Marriage, and Making Her Comeback, Vogue. That Serena Williams could nearly die after giving birth — in part because her doctors didn’t take her pain seriously — makes me wonder what hope there is for the rest of us.

The Fever Dream of President Oprah, The New Yorker.

‘The Greatest Showman’ Fails Disabled Audiences by Masking P.T. Barnum’s Monstrous Past, The Daily Beast.

How I Get It Done: Jodi Kantor, Investigative Reporter for the New York Times, The Cut.

It’s the Ultimate TV Prize: An Unscripted Queen Elizabeth, The New York Times. This is the first I’ve heard of the Smithsonian Channel but I want to watch this interview! 

10 Things I’ve Learned In Ten Years Of Blogging, Joy the Baker. “Keep it loose, keep it tight” is my new motto. 

3 Ways to Resurrect Your Libido in These Dark Times, GQ. “So break out the lotion and moisturize. Moisturize everything you can reach. Turn the heat up a bit, peel yourself out of your sweats, and look for low-effort, high-reward things you can do for your body. I’m sure there are things to trim that have gone unmonitored since before daylight savings time. Drink some water, since you’re probably still dehydrated after the 14 glasses of champagne you had on New Years.” Drag me, GQ.

Twitter’s Idea Of What A Black Hogwarts Would Be Like Is So Funny You’ll Scream, BuzzFeed. “You got Hogsmeade money?”

Dear People Who Don’t Wash Your Hands After Using the Bathroom: WTF Is Wrong With You? I Hate You, VSB.

Loving

Oprah’s Golden Globes speech, the male US Olympic bobsled team, this very good boy, and this tweet.

Best life

First: I can confirm that this rosehip facial oil is very, very good.

Second, I bought a nail buffer and a bottle of clear nail polish at CVS yesterday with the goal of making my desperate winter hands look less bad. (They were like…too bad to even bother wasting a manicure on them.) I am happy to report that this was a good solution! I’m also going to take an aggressive approach to moisturizing for the next several weeks.

I grabbed a tub of Art of Shaving lemon shave cream from the free table at work a few weeks ago and used it today on my legs for the first time (after reading that GQ article!!!) and it was lovely — the texture is amazing, and I love a good lemon scent.

Also, Uniqlo has their cashmere sweaters on sale for $59.90 right now and they have a bunch of new colors; I got two beige ones during a BOGO in the fall and I love them. They also have a turtleneck version now so I ordered the pink one. (I also really love the blue cashmere but I exercised some restraint.) I am not sure if I am a turtleneck sweater person but I GUESS WE’LL FIND OUT.

The week ahead….

Just thrilled about the three-day weekend!

01. Fresh

January 7, 2018

I welcomed 2018 feeling incredibly burned out. On Monday evening, I got the Sunday Scaries…but, like, for the entire year. There were a bunch of clear/obvious reasons why this was the case, but I didn’t really realize what was happening until it was too late for me to do anything but ride it out. Coming to the realization on Tuesday morning that I was burned out and then figuring out how to remedy it required some soul-searching, some planning, some patience, and some just..accepting the world we currently live in, and of the realities of being a WOC in that world. Like…of course I was burned out.

Anyway, at that point, I gave myself the assignment of doing basically nothing (except laundry because we live in a society!!! and also writing this post) from Friday night through Monday morning; this approach was actually very helpful because while I don’t like sitting still and not doing stuff, I love rules. So I slept in and wore cozy clothes and watched The Crown and read blogs and window-shopped online and drank tea and worked on my new journal and ignored the impulse to write anything and was just really, really kind to myself. And I feel…better. Imagine that!!!!

Here are some other notes from this week…

Writing

7 Simple And Easy Ways To Have Good January

Just 5 Great Planners For Anyone Who Still Needs One

35 Cool Lists To Start And Keep In 2018

Reading

We Asked, You Answered: Wondrous Things That Happened in 2017, Atlas Obscura. This is so good.

“Black Museum” Episode of Black Mirror Shows Why We Need More POC Reviewing Shows, The Mary Sue.

‘Black Mirror’s’ Season 4 Finale ‘Black Museum’ Offers a Horrifying Critique of American Racism, The Daily Beast.

How this year’s Golden Globes red carpet became a political statement and why a boycott was rejected, LA Times.

Donald Trump’s Year of Living Dangerously, Politico.

“Here’s a story about how I nearly just got killed by this cop”, @TheHipsterRebbe on Twitter.

How I Saved 30 Percent of My Income in 2017, The Cut. A lot of articles like this are bullshit, but this one is pretty good.

I Refuse to Wear Chic Workout Clothes to the Gym, Man Repeller.

How The Crown Re-created Buckingham Palace Without Actually Filming There, Vulture. This is fascinating.

Black Mirror Does Not Appear to Know What the Morning-After Pill Is, The Cut. “I’m sorry … what? I was with this show through the grief clone that expands, for whatever reason, in the bathtub. I was with it through the murderous hashtag-controlled bees. I was even with it through the politician fucking a pig on live television. But this was different. This crossed a line, and I’m not the only one who felt that way. A reminder to show creator and lead writer Charlie Brooker: The ‘morning-after pill’ and the ‘abortion pill,’ as they’re colloquially known, are not the same thing.”

Remote Control, The Believer. “As the quickly accepted press narrative also had it, the assault on Nancy Kerrigan was only a hop, skip, and a failed jump away from Tonya’s disappointment at the 1992 Games and her growing frustration thereafter. She was trash: trash cheats. Trash wants reward without working. Trash is dangerous. Trash doesn’t care about other people’s dreams. Why question a story that made such easy sense, and provided so much to laugh at along the way?” Last night, after watching some of the figure skating championships, I re-read this article, which is my favorite piece of sportswriting ever.

The Redemption Of Figure Skater Mirai Nagasu, Deadspin.

Kristi Yamaguchi, Unlaced, Shondaland.

13 Experts Explain Why Diets Don’t Work And What To Do Instead, BuzzFeed. “With all of the research we have supporting the negative physiological and psychological effects of dieting and pursuit of weight loss, I find it unethical to approach nutrition counseling with the old diet/weight loss paradigm.”

Trader Joe’s Butter Is as Good as the French Stuff, Bon Appétit.

An Update on My Twin Sister, A Cup of Jo. This is lovely.

Who the Hell Are Logan Paul and Jake Paul? A Helpful Guide to All the Pauls, Splinter. I…legitimately did not realize that Logan Paul was not Jake Paul until I read this.

Loving

My friend Sally listens to a lot of podcasts, and she made me a list of all of her favorite podcast episodes from 2017; I’ve spent the last two weeks working my way through it. You can see the list here. Everything I’ve listened to so far has been great, but I strongly recommend the episode of The Pitch; it was wild.

My friend Alanna’s Twitter thread about Anthropologie’s food styling is not to be missed.

This figure skating routine choreographed to “The Room Where It Happens” is so fun to watch.

And this tweet makes me laugh every time.

Best life

These vintage fern prints are so pretty. (The whole shop is great.)

I’m obsessed with this winter white loungewear and this cozy look.

And I did an Instagram Story of my new 2018 journal setup if you’re into that sort of thing! (It’s pinned to my IG profile as a Highlight.)

The week ahead…

Continuing to take it easy, thinking about goals and priorities for the next few months, and doing my best to stay warm!

52. Chill

December 31, 2017

This week was very cold! It was also romjul, aka my favorite time to be in the city. Here’s what else I had going on…

Writing

Friday Night Chores Are The Gateway To A Great Weekend

57 Reasons To Love 2017

15 Simple And Easy Tips For Dealing With Literal Trash

My Best New Year’s Eve Was The One I Spent Home Alone Making A List

This Divorced Couple’s Viral Christmas Proposal Video Is The Best Thing You’ll See Today

ICYMI:

The best things I wrote this year
The best things I edited this year
The best things I read this year
The best things I bought this year

Reading

The Worst Job in Technology: Staring at Human Depravity to Keep It Off Facebook, WSJ.

2 Officers Suspended Over Handling of Call After Abuse Victim Dies, The New York Times. This is so terrible.

Ben Hampton Has 670,000 Followers on Instagram. He’s Only 6 Years Old., The Daily Beast.

‘The Post’ and the forgotten security guard who discovered the Watergate break-in, The Washington Post.

The problem with men who harass, and the men who enable them, is not a lack of training, The Spokesman-Review.

My Year of No Shopping, The New York Times.

How—and Why—Did Fruitcake Become a Slur?, Food52.

Fake This Marriage, The Awl. “I live my life as if I’ve waded halfway into a river and neither side looks appealing. I haven’t drowned yet, and from the banks, I appear to be waving.”

The Sneaky Allure of the ‘Bachelor’ Instagram Influencer, Racked. “It’s a kind of ordinary we can relate to, but also aspire to enough to stay enthralled. Not to mention it’s soothing in a mindless sort of way: Instagram, like The Bachelor, is a visual platform that rewards the beautiful, the simple, and the inoffensive.”

Things We Stopped Being Mad About in 2017, Jezebel. “Anger is an interesting emotion, isn’t it? As it turns out, you can’t be mad about every single thing all the time. Your body will just say: ‘No, sorry, please stop! Let’s buy an overpriced candle!’ This is not something that was necessarily clear to us prior to November 2016, but these days, when every hour or so offers a generous continental buffet of enraging news content, one simply must learn to prioritize.” I loved this.

The Yule Log: A Pagan Ritual Turned YouTube Phenomenon, Quartzy. Also, try not to get teary when reading this Amazon review.

Spend Your New Year’s Eve Alone, Jezebel.

Sorry if, sorry you…, The Spinoff.

Let’s All Stop Saying Bless You, Lifehacker. Honestly, I’m sold. 

This amazing thread on watching Get Out.

And this week’s TWIM.

Best life

The inside of this journal looks so pretty — and all it requires is a stamp.

I made this taco soup the other night; I forgot how easy it is!

My coworker included these beautiful hangers in a post and now they are all I can think about.

I love/want this yoga bodysuit (but it’s too expensive for me).

And after multiple people mentioned it/recommended it, I finally signed up for the Girls’ Night In newsletter. (“A newsletter for women who’d rather stay in tonight” is…me.)

The week ahead…

Watching the new season of Black Mirror and welcoming 2018! Happy New Year, friends!

51. Wrapping up

December 24, 2017

This week felt SO LONG! We’re all, as my friend Sally said, “riled up, tense, panicked, wishing we were having way more fun than we actually are, and dragging ourselves to the end of the year just trying to cross the finish line.” Whew! But I wrapped a lot of gifts and wrapped up a bunch of shit at work, and actually did manage to have a ton of fun in between all the panicking and dragging.

Here’s what else I’ve got for ya!

Writing

Why Miniature Christmas Villages Are Such A Big Thing

Let’s Talk About Giftovers, Those Gifts Your Relatives Give You Every Year

ICYMI: My Christmas apartment decor.

Reading

How Tough Is It to Change a Culture of Harassment? Ask Women at Ford, The New York Times. “‘It just was way, way, way, way too much,’ Ms. Wright said of the abuses. ‘Each time that I was taking it, again and again, it just felt like more of me diminishing,’ she said, ‘just getting smaller until it was just like a shell of a person.’” (You should also listen to the episode of The Daily about this.)

Saying You’re Sorry Isn’t Enough Anymore, BuzzFeed. “The catch is that giving forgiveness is more work than merely asking for it. True atonement, an honest attempt to fix something you broke, would involve work invisible to most women. Apologies are, largely, performative, and the ones women have received in the last few months have become burdens unto themselves — and, crucially, pathways for men to shrug off responsibility: I said I was sorry, ball’s in your court now. … Now, receiving an apology has the adverse effect that it’s supposed to: It just feels like being asked to process someone else’s regret, and embarrassment, and pain, on top of my own anger and frustration. It sounds like dealing with more work.”

Make Them Leave, Paste. Also: fuck that guy.

Annie Lowrey on the NYT’s decision not to fire Gleen Thrush.

Something personal, Ask a Manager.

A History of Women Who Burned to Death in Flammable Dresses, Racked. “It’s not a build-up like, ‘Oh my gosh, you’re smoking, let me tamp that out.’ It’s like, ‘Ahh!’ Your girlfriend beside you is a ball of fire, and you’re now a ball of fire, and boom boom boom boom boom boom boom, they’re all balls of fire.” This article is wild from start to finish.

The Year that Skin Care Became a Coping Mechanism, The New Yorker.

Why Aren’t Fashion ‘Disruptors’ Serving Plus-Size Customers?, Racked.

HQ Trivia Is a Harbinger of Dystopia, The Atlantic. “There’s something off in HQ Trivia. The form of the game only amplifies its ideology of foreboding. When players log on, pulsating, bright-colored blobs animate over a deep house-music track. … It’s almost as if HQ is a fictional entertainment broadcast, like the kind created to broadcast the Hunger Games in the fictional nation of Panem. There, the motion graphics, the actors portraying news or talk-show hosts, the sets, the chyrons—they impose the grammar of television in order to recreate it, but they contort it in order to emphasize that it is also fictional. This is your world, but not quite.” OK this is kind of extra but also it really accurately describes how HQ Trivia makes me feel whenever I see/hear it on my coworkers’ phones. It’s just SO Black Mirror!

Why Can’t Hearing Aids Be Stylish?, Racked.

The Best Scented Holiday Candles Will Make Your Home Cozy AF , GQ. Here mainly for the Bath and Body Works candle review.

And this week’s TWIM.

Best life

I’m making this milk punch tonight and this taco soup at some point this week. I’ve been really enjoying 30 for 30 podcasts. (I started with “Hoodies Up.”) And I started watching The Crown on Friday night and I’m very into it so far!

The week ahead…

I’ll be posting a bunch of best of 2017 stuff, so check back here mid-week for that!

My Christmas apartment decor

December 24, 2017

Merry Christmas Eve! Just wanted to share some photos of a bunch of the Christmas decorations that I’ve been collecting over the past few years. (Pretty much everything is from Target, Flying Tiger, or Home Goods, but if you want the source for something specific, hit me up on Insta/Twitter/FB!)

50. Fa la la la la blah blah blah blah

December 17, 2017

It feels like so much happened this week! We had our work holiday party and I had one of the top three worst hangovers of my entire life. (I had three cocktails. LIKE. I don’t… that’s not… I’m confused?) Meanwhile, work was busy and the world was still pretty bad (even though Doug Jones won!) and I spent a good amount of time under a pile of extremely soft throw blankets in my safe and cozy apartment.

(^Me with three of my five wonderful direct reports.)

Here’s what else I was up to…

Writing

How To Spend Christmas Alone

17 Great Gifts For The Tiny Young Feminist In Your Life

And in case you’re still shopping, I’ll re-up two other gift guides I wrote:

21 Legitimately Great Gifts To Give Your Boyfriend, Husband, Brother, Or Dad

23 Practical Gifts For People Who Are Hard To Shop For

Reading

Here’s this week’s TWIM.

Also:

This Moment Isn’t (Just) About Sex. It’s Really About Work., The Cut. “A woman who is harassed, or who is in a workplace where other women are, might feel vividly the full weight of the system that’s not set up with her in mind, and see with clarity how much more difficult her professional path will be at every turn, how success might not be on her terms, but on terms set by powerful men. She might feel shame, or embarrassment that worms its way into her head, affects her confidence. She will likely spend time and energy focusing on how to maneuver around the harasser, time and energy that might otherwise be spent on her own advancement.” This is really, really good.

This Is The Daily Stormer’s Playbook, Huffington Post.

Sexual Harassment Training Doesn’t Work. But Some Things Do., The New York Times.

Harvey Weinstein Is My Monster Too, The New York Times.

Are Private Schools Immoral?, The Atlantic.

How New York Times Reporters Broke Hollywood’s Biggest Sexual Harassment Story, Variety. “The stories that are coming out about these predators are so depressing. Has it taken a toll? Kantor: It’s an honor to do this work.”

How the Alabama Senate Election Sanctified Black Women Voters, The New Yorker. “Her lack of power and ego makes her the right arbiter of justice. Materially, though, she is ignored, and her efforts to safeguard her own welfare are instead regarded as efforts toward a national salvation. She is of America only because she works for it.”

Dear Male Chefs: Talk Less, Bon Appétit.

The end of American prison visits: jails end face-to-face contact – and families suffer, The Guardian.

Shopping Helped Me Reinvent Myself After Abuse, Racked. “In this case, after the violence that was loving Brad, changing my appearance was more than an upgrade; it was a metamorphosis. A magical first awakening into a body that was controlled by my desires, and mine alone.”

What a Cross-Dressing Lady Knight Taught Me About Gender and Sexuality, Electric Lit. This is so lovely.

How Marie Tussaud Created a Wax Empire, Smithsonian.

All of my 2017 book recommendations, Ask a Manager. Added a bunch of these to my wishlist.

It Feels Awful Because It’s Awful, Anne T. Donahue. “Sometimes things are just fucking bad. And a fun night can be the reprieve from the reality of things being shit. It is fine and acceptable to feel like shit. It is fine and acceptable to be like, “I cannot go to that party tonight because honestly, I just don’t want to be around that many people right now.” It is fine and acceptable to cocoon and to admit that no, right now, you do NOT have the bandwidth to deal with anything but The Thing, and if someone wants to reach out, that’s wicked, but if not, honestly, what can you do. It is fine and acceptable to be choosy about who you can be around and talk to and commiserate with. All of it is fine and acceptable. Sometimes you don’t get to be taken out of the moment, you get to be distracted for a second, and then return to it because it is your reality right now. And that’s fine. I think for as much as we talk about joy and mindfulness and staying positive, I also think we need to talk about the value in being and feeling the opposite: you still have to go to work and eat your meals and be alive, but you are also allowed to exist in a realm where You Are Fucking Dealing With Something, So Fuck Off, Please and Thank You.” Wow, hi, yes. This approach is basically how I’ve gotten through the past two years.

A Winter Guide to NYC, A Cup of Jo.

100 Times Women Were Fucking Hilarious On Twitter In 2017, BuzzFeed.

The 2017 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog, Deadspin.

Best life

This is legitimately the best Christmas playlist I’ve ever listened to.

Here’s the jumpsuit I wore to the holiday party.

I’m really loving the new rosemary mint candle I bought at Target. (I can’t seem to find it online, but it looks like this.) 

I made a Twitter thread of all my favorite Christmas motifs.

And I learned how to use Instagram Stories Highlights and posted a Christmas decor apartment tour! (My Insta handle is the_rewm.)

Loving

This thread, a Sesame Street fellowship for writers of color, and this tweet.

The week ahead…

I’ve got lots of posts to write and gifts to wrap! BYE!

49. Go hug yourself

December 10, 2017

Photo by Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed

Photo: Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed

This week got off to a fiery ragey start with an article about men who are apparently CONFUSED by all these new RULES about how to treat women. (That link is to my whole furious thread about it, btw.) And then it continued. But on a more positive note, I’ve got cozy flannel sheets on my bed and beef stew simmering on the stove, and my practical gift guide was the top post on all of BuzzFeed last week!

Here’s what else I was up to…

Reading

I finished We’re Going to Need More Wine and am so sad it’s over! (I bought the Kindle book with Whispersync and ended up listening to all of it — def recommend the audiobook because she reads it herself!) It was so, so good and I really want everyone to read it.

Black Mothers Keep Dying After Giving Birth. Shalon Irving’s Story Explains Why, NPR. This is a tough story to read, but read it anyway.

So You Married Your Flirty Boss, The National Review. This is a response to a terrible article from earlier this week and it’s so even, so good, so thoughtful…it’s truly a master class in takedowns, but it’s also just fantastic in its own right.

Cat Person, The New Yorker. (Short story. Oh also, here are some of the ways men are reacting to it.)

Terry Crews: ‘Men Need to Hold Other Men Accountable’, TIME. “I was really angry because these women were being discounted. These women were being discarded. Their pain was just—it was nothing. I wanted to join in. I wanted to say something. I wanted to support. But I did have to let these women know they weren’t alone. And that I understood. My whole mission was to give them strength. Don’t accept the shame that people are giving you. Because that’s what it was. They were being shamed. They were being victimized again. I just couldn’t stand for it.” (Related: What About Your Friends? Why Hollywood’s Abandonment Of Terry Crews Is Unacceptable.)

We’re Going to Need More Gabrielle Union, The New York Times.

Al Franken isn’t being denied due process. None of these famous men are., The Washington Post. “But the courts aren’t where our national conversation is taking place, so let’s not dither about the dangers of proclaiming guilt or innocence. The standards of evidence necessary to decide you don’t want to go see someone’s movie, or laugh at his jokes, or watch him read the news while you get dressed, or elect him to the Senate are not the same as the ones required to put such men in prison.”

How We Eclipse Women’s Literary Brilliance With ‘Scandal’, Jezebel. “Artists and writers who are not white men continually have to fight back against a public obsession with their personal lives, a desire to link those lives with their work as a way of diminishing their talent.”

After Trent Franks, men worry if asking subordinates to bear their child is still okay, The Washington Post. “Some have lost their jobs for grotesque activity spanning decades, others for a simple query such as, ‘Okay, Rhonda, how MUCH money for me to rent your womb?’ or, ‘What do you mean, you do not want a box of dildos?’ It is those latter cases that have men sweating at their desks. Will they lose their jobs? Should they have offered money for sex instead? Or asked a male colleague to bear their offspring?”

What the World Gets Wrong About My Quadriplegic Husband and Me, Catapult.

The Life-Changing Magic of Overpriced Candles, Quartzy. “When you give someone a candle, you’re passing along the gift of ritual. Striking a match and lighting a tiny, pleasant fire in your home means committing to the idea that everyday life can be an occasion worth celebrating.”

Layers of Deceit: Why do recipe writers lie and lie and lie about how long it takes to caramelize onions?, Slate. This is 100% true — it takes 45 minutes!

Why Socks Are Actually the Perfect Christmas Gift, MEL Magazine.

Dear 24- to 45-Year-Old White People Who Live in Urban Spaces: Why Don’t You Put Curtains and Blinds on Your Windows?, VSB. “And then, when walking or driving past this complex one evening, you notice that you can see clearly into every apartment. You can stand on the sidewalk and watch them watching Stranger Things and applying nipple tape for their post-dawn runs. You can read their lips while they’re having aggravating and self-aggrandizing conversations where words like “disrupt” are used frequently and unironically. You can almost smell the pesto and the privilege. It’s their most prominent aesthetic.”

I Think About This a Lot: When Kimberly Shaw Ripped Off Her Wig on Melrose Place, The Cut.

I Rebuke Your Bullcrap Marshmallow Roasting Tactics In The Strongest Possible Terms, Deadspin. This is the most extra thing ever and I love it.

Also, here’s this week’s TWIM.

The week ahead…

Retrograde season.

48. Whew

December 3, 2017

Image: Rifle Paper Co

This week, I felt like I finally exhaled after two years of not knowing that I was holding my breath.

As I was publishing my post last week, I was bracing for the worst, but my best-case scenario was something pretty quiet/neutral. I wasn’t totally sure what to expect, but I guess I just didn’t…really…expect…much…response? (I don’t know…I’ve never shared terrible news on the internet before!!!) I was definitely not expecting to be showered with heart emojis and so much support and kindness by coworkers, Internet friends, and total strangers all week. (Seriously, at one point on Sunday night, my entire iMessage list was just a bunch of red hearts.) It actually reminded me of the moment at my wedding during the processional when I walked in and everyone in attendance stood up and I was totally taken aback and moved by it even though, like, of course that’s a thing people do at weddings when they see the bride. I don’t know why I didn’t see it coming, then or now. But in any case, there’s something about seeing a group of people stand up for you in a significant moment in your life that is incredibly powerful and deeply moving. So just…thank you so much. I really, really appreciate it. 

Here’s what else I was up to this week.

Writing

The Peace Of A Puzzle

19 Puzzles That’ll Give You Something To Do Now That It’s Getting Dark At 4:30 PM

21 Little Ways To Make Your Home Less Of A Death Trap

7 Little Ways To Upgrade Your Life This Month

Reading

I’m still reading Gabrielle Union’s memoir which is amazing and I want everyone to read it! Also:

I’m Not Ready for the Redemption of Men, The New York Times. “Redemption must be preceded by atonement. It is earned, not offered. If you want amends, you have to make them.”

Your Happiness Is Built With the Little Things, Lifehacker. “Wake up each day ready to take those small steps toward your happiness, and recognize that it will always be a work in progress. Take good actions, no matter how small; make beneficial choices, no matter how simple; and show gratitude for what you have, no matter how basic. In time, the small things will add up to a genuinely great thing.” I love this.

More Than 180 Women Have Reported Sexual Assaults at Massage Envy, BuzzFeed.

Nobody Wants to See your Dick — A Guide to Handling your Newfound Wealth and Influence, Chris Rosenthall on Medium.

Meghan & Harry’s perfect day, Lainey Gossip. Not gonna lie: waking up to a half-black 36-year-old divorcée getting engaged to a prince was exactly what I needed on Monday morning, and had me and everyone around me in a genuinely great mood all day. (See also: this.) I’m all-in on these two.

The Instant Pot Is Now an Entire Economy and Religion, Slate. “Is it possible to just casually admire the Instant Pot? Judging by the Facebook reviews, the answer is a steadfast nope. Of the 39,000-plus reviews of the 7-in-1 DUO Pressure Cooker from Instant Pot ($84.96 for the 6-quart model), 83 percent are five stars, and only a paltry 4 percent are one star. This may seem unremarkable, until you realize that Beyoncé’s Lemonade has an 82–6 ratio on the same metrics. Yes, the Instant Pot is more revered than Beyoncé.”

What I’ve Learned in 16 Years of Editing Glamour, Glamour. This made me cry.

The Men Who Cost Clinton the Election, The New York Times.

What it’s like to win the lottery as a woman, Washington Post.

The Most Fascinating Part of The Big Bang Theory Is How Bad Everyone Is at Fake-Eating, Vulture.

Banana thefts, peppers for potlucks, and other weird office food stories, Ask a Manager. This made me laugh so hard.

Prince Harry Engaged To Woman Who Will Never Love Him The Way 29-Year-Old Idahoan Graphic Designer Jennie Hoffman Does, The Onion.

Things to Do at Work Besides Showing Your Penis to Coworkers, McSweeney’s.

Also, here’s this week’s TWIM.

Loving

This sweet Christmas story (you’re gonna get teary, just FYI), Gabrielle Union on Death, Sex, and Money, and “Welcome to Hell.” Also this tweet.

Best life

After wanting this faux fur robe for more than a year, I finally got it on Black Friday on a mega sale and am loving it. (It’s not on a major discount anymore, but it is still on sale!)

Also this candle holder DIY is so pretty.

The week ahead…

Working on my newest project!

47. Thankfully

November 26, 2017

Photo by Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed

Photo: Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed

This week, my mom and brother came to visit me and we ate lasagna soup and did a bunch of shopping and finished this puzzle and saw Sponge Bob the Musical. Here’s what else I was up to….

Writing

23 Workplace Horror Stories That’ll Make You Say “WTAF?????”

Stop What You’re Doing And Look At This Kindergarten Class’s Thanksgiving Cookbook

23 Practical Gifts For People Who Are Hard To Shop For

And ICYMI: Here.

Editing

Introducing My Parents To My Boyfriend Meant Introducing Them To Me

Meet The Woman Who Has Been Saving Thanksgiving For The Past 33 Years

Reading

The Nationalist’s Delusion, The Atlantic.

After Trump, New York Magazine.

Anita Hill and her 1991 congressional defenders to Joe Biden: You were part of the problem, The Washington Post. “Hill: You didn’t read his full apology. He said, ‘I am sorry if she felt she didn’t get a fair hearing.’ That’s sort of an ‘I’m sorry if you were offended.'”

Caitlin Moran’s Posthumous Advice for Her Daughter, Films for Action. “The main thing is just to try to be nice. You already are – so lovely I burst, darling – and so I want you to hang on to that and never let it go. Keep slowly turning it up, like a dimmer switch, whenever you can. Just resolve to shine, constantly and steadily, like a warm lamp in the corner, and people will want to move towards you in order to feel happy, and to read things more clearly. You will be bright and constant in a world of dark and flux.”

The Last of the Iron Lungs, Gizmodo.

She Said A Powerful Congressman Harassed Her. Here’s Why You Didn’t Hear Her Story., BuzzFeed.

The Strange Task of Researching a Book About the Apocalypse in 2017, Vulture.

You Might Think You Hate Crowded Stores, but Science Says Otherwise, Racked.

Meet Ann Gregory, Who Shattered Racist and Sexist Barriers in the Golf World, Atlas Obscura. “In 1959, on a warm August evening in Bethesda, Maryland, Ann Moore Gregory ate a hamburger and went to bed. That night, every other player in the United States Golf Association Women’s Amateur tournament, which began the next day, was eating a traditional players’ dinner at the Congressional Country Club. But Gregory, the only African-American player in the tournament, had been barred from the clubhouse. So, she said later, she ate by herself. She was ‘happy as a lark. I didn’t feel bad. I didn’t. I just wanted to play golf, they were letting me play golf,’ she said. ‘So I got me a hamburger, and went to bed.’”

Here’s the deal with all those turkeys terrorizing the suburbs, The Washington Post.

16 Amazon Comments That Are Never Not Funny, BuzzFeed.

5 Controversial Things to Discuss at Thanksgiving Because Your Family is Black and None of You Voted for Trump, Reductress.

Also here is the latest edition of TWIM, a new link thread on Twitter I started last week.

The week ahead…

Putting up my Christmas tree!

Here.

November 26, 2017

you lucky, lucky girl
you have an apartment
just your size. a bathtub
full of tea, a heart the size of Arizona,
but not nearly
so arid.

“Frida Kahlo to Marty McConnell” by Marty McConnell


On Thanksgiving weekend 2014, Eric and I began our move to Brooklyn so I could take a job at BuzzFeed. After a whirlwind holiday weekend spent acquiring a new mattress and picking out a couch and buying two armchairs and a trash can, he flew back to Houston. (He hadn’t found a job here yet, and would stay in Texas with Indiana and the bulk of our stuff until he accepted an offer in NYC, which turned out to be three months later.) That Sunday night, I sat in the bare apartment, with Chuck and basically no stuff, alone and a little scared and a little sad and very uncertain about what our future here would look like.

Three years later, I am sitting in the same apartment. The couch Eric and I picked out that Black Friday arrived a week or so later and is beautiful, as are the two armchairs; I hate the trash can but haven’t bothered to replace it yet. There is a plenty of stuff here now — lamps and pots and pans and blankets and rugs and a dining room table and all of my books. And I am here with Chuck, alone and a little scared and pretty sad and very uncertain about what my future here will look like.

I’m sure if you asked Eric, he’d use cliches to describe what happened. And I wish I could honestly say “we grew apart” or “we made the decision to separate.” But the truth is, my marriage collapsed under the weight of an impossible-to-untangle knot of toxic masculinity and untreated mental illness. That collapse — which began with zero warning in late August 2015, two weeks after a truly perfect trip to Vermont for my thirtieth birthday, and officially ended in mid-October of this year — was deeply traumatic and utterly, breathtakingly surreal. The decision to end our marriage was not a mutual one; I had no say in the matter.

I know better than to ask the Internet for privacy. But what I do hope you will give me is time. Because this is a story that I am just not ready to tell in full publicly. I’ve actually been going back and forth for a long time about whether or not to write this post; I really wanted to hold off on saying anything until I could just tell the entire story. But I realized that it could be a while before I’m ready to do that, and, well…it just seemed like saying something was probably a necessary thing I should do. Doing it like this isn’t my first choice, but, well…none of this is my first choice.

If you are wondering why I didn’t say anything publicly sooner, it’s because my priorities for the past two years were my marriage and my husband; I was concerned that writing about the situation — which was incredibly sensitive and also super personal — could make things worse. So I was waiting until there was some sort of resolution, and I truly, truly didn’t expect it to go on for as long as it did. (Or…to end this way.) That said, it hasn’t really been a secret. All of my IRL friends and a large number of my coworkers know, and most have known since Day 1. I ultimately decided to give the Internet the same amount of me that I gave my acquaintances/the coworkers I’m not close to: I stopped talking about my personal life entirely and just kept things professional. I didn’t lie about it, or even try that hard to keep it a secret; I assumed people knew something was going on and I didn’t really care if they found out. (Also, to everyone who was curious but chose not to “casually” mention Eric or push me to talk about this before I was ready to: thank you. Truly.) I didn’t feel great about not talking about it openly, but I was in survival mode, and Eric’s well-being and my marriage were my biggest priorities. And all of this *gestures around* — figuring out what to say and how to say it, and dealing with people’s judgment both of me/Eric/my marriage and of how I’m choosing to talk (and not talk) about what happened to me — is exhausting. I just didn’t have room for it. 

If the fact that I wasn’t forthcoming with you makes you feel some kind of way, know that I barely even kept my mom updated with everything that was going on. Thinking about all of the terrible things that happened hurts. Talking about it hurts. Writing about it hurts. (Everything…just…hurts?) I just didn’t want to talk about it. I still don’t.

And on that note…if you are reading this and want to be nice/supportive but don’t know what to say or are worried about shit being awkward, know that I will truly not be hurt or offended if you don’t say anything at all. (And TBH, it’s better to say nothing at all than to say “everything happens for a reason,” IMHO.) As I’ve written before, sometimes the kindest thing you can do for people who are grieving is just give them space. That said, I’m not made of glass and don’t want or need to be treated like I am. So, whatever — if you do want to say something and aren’t sure what to say, here are a few solid options: I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve this. And, maybe the most important thing: I believe you. Or just send me a heart emoji! Like, whatever!!

As for how I’m doing, I’m…alive? Upright?? I no longer know how to accurately answer when people ask me how I’m doing. Is there an untranslatable German word that means, “I am fine but also my life/the world is falling apart, so I’m BAD, but I’m also like…functioning and here and…fine? I guess?” Because that is how I am. I am both OK and not OK. Like, I got promoted at my mid-year review and I published a book and I manage a team of incredibly wonderful people and I love my work. I have great friends and an amazing apartment and Chuck. But I am also incredibly angry and deeply confused and so hurt and so sad. Like…my husband abandoned me. I was gaslit in a pretty extreme way for two years. That takes a toll on you, fundamentally changes your worldview. Some days, I just feel utterly detached from reality. So the best answer I can give to “How are you?” is, I guess, “Here.” You know? Like, I don’t know what else to say. I’m just…here. This is where we are. This is where I live now.

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